Rome....Through My Eyes...

As we drove to the monastery the first thing I noticed was graffiti everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Either they have alot of gangs, teens with time on their hands, or find this as a form of art. We pulled up to the monastery, checked in and headed for the elevator. OR...what I like to call an oversized MRI machine. No air flow, very small, we barely fit with our luggage. I felt like I needed a valium every time I got in...haha Our last day in Rome we got stuck in this elevator. It landed on the main floor but wouldn't open. We stood there pushing buttons. Nothing ! We tried the "phone" button. Nothing ! We then proceeded to bang on the door. Nothing ! Finally Doug pried the door open and we stepped down to the lobby area (it got stuck about a foot from the bottom floor....NICE !)

You quickly realized when walking that "road rules" were not the same as the US. It's a total free for all. There are pedestrian markings, but rarely heeded to. Cars drive through neighborhoods or alley's as if they were on the freeway. Motorcycles and scooters crowd the road, weaving in and out of traffic and around people. When I've watched movies where they are going down narrow alleys, speeding along....I now know that they didn't make that stuff up. Compact cars & motor bikes show up in the narrowest of alleys nearly pinning you against the wall to prevent from being hit. This is also interesting considering cafe's line the alleys and sidewalks.

Even with all of that going on, you can't miss the beauty of Rome. You look around to see old buildings full of so much character, worn, weathered. The roads are cobblestone. Shutters are outside of every window, flower boxes full of flowing greenery & flowers line the balconies. (the first thing I did when arriving in our room was to throw open the shutters. We also left them open at night when we got back to enjoy the street chatter of the locals having a good time.) It's interesting that outside of alot of windows you will see two hooks on either side to place a rod or rope. I saw that some people hang their clothes on here to dry. Very resourceful !

Our monastery was more or less in a neighborhood (about 5 blocks from the Vatican). I loved that we made this choice. In the mornings, and early evenings, you would hear the restaurant workers shout down the street to locals walking along, or greeting them in the morning when they came in for coffee. We had a bakery down the street that every time you passed their doors (even when they were closed) the kitchen door would be swung open and you would see them in there rolling dough, baking....The smell alone made it worthwhile to walk by.

To get lost in a city of this size would be like getting lost in Chicago....but you can't speak the language. We spent one day hopping off trains, onto buses, onto trains....trying to find our way around. It took almost a good two days before we learned the bus system and how it worked.

We loved the history, the stories. In fact, we couldn't take pics of it but we saw where the Apostle Peter was buried. It was amazing. Glassed in, it looked like an enormous marble mausoleum. It was beautiful. The depths this city has gone to in honoring Christ, the Apostles, and Christianity is amazing.

Rome is beautiful in the day, but the night is when it comes alive. Cafe's are lit with mood lighting, they line the sidewalks. One right after another. The tables are so close together you might as well be sitting with strangers. Our last day in Rome was just such a case. We sat between a Canadian couple and an Australian couple. We chatted (enjoyed the fact we were all English speaking..haha) It was fun ! One thing I learned on this trip was Australian people are SUPER friendly ! Makes me want to go visit there! =)
It's not unusual for people to just walk up while you are eating trying to sell you flowers, or scarves, or play a flute or accordion (for tips). If you are eating on the Piazza you will see streets acts, people spray painting pictures while you watch, singing groups...... No lack of entertainment !

Italian food, Pizzeria's, gelato (coconut might be my favorite) , cannoli.....all are just a few things you will eat in Rome. Water fountains are more like water spickets. You can lean over and drink straight from it or always carry a water bottle. I drank more water than anything while there. Coffee's are about two swallows and you're done. It feels like you are having a pretend tea party with little girls ! haha

If you've never considered Rome, I'm here to tell you that you should. My friend asked me to describe it in one word. The only thing that came to mind was "ambience". It's all about personality, atmosphere and character.

I threw a coin in Trevi Fountain hoping to return one day ! Let's hope wishes really do come true =)

My Family....My Heart.....

Inheritance - the practice of passing on property, titles, debts, rights and obligations upon the death of an individual.

I’ve always thought this was such an odd thing. You get (inherit)things from your family, whether you may want it or not, sometimes
whether you deserve it or not, because you are part of the family. And people actually ARGUE when they feel they’ve been cheated.
Hmmmm……..you didn’t earn it. But you deserve it. Right.

When mom passed away in 2012 all the things you’ve talked about amongst yourselves “hypothetically” became in your face
reality. Dad was moving things in to our names, we were signing papers, it was ALL just a bit overwhelming at the time. Since mom preceded her own mother in death (who died 8 months later) suddenly we found ourselves in the midst of “inheritance”.

My mamaw and papaw were not rich people. Papaw retired from Exxon Refinery. He worked hard, did shift work and provided for his family. But they were by no means rich. In my lifetime I don’t remember mamaw working outside the home. That doesn’t mean she
didn’t work. They were constantly taking in “stray people” that didn’t have a place to live or were going through a hard time. Mamaw cooked meals for sick people & taught Sunday School, they were active in their local church, and they loved God with all their heart.

Papaw missed the farm terribly so he took an early retirement, left the city and headed to open pastures. He built a beautiful house (with his own hands) on land they owned and had “inherited”. He was only able to enjoy that life for about 3 years. Shortly after he retired he found out he had Lo Gehrig’s Disease. He died shortly after.

So here’s mamaw, living out in the country (nearest neighbor was about ½ a mile) by herself, on about 250 acres of land, and had
no work experience. I still marvel even today that she lived as a widow for over 30 years without ever having to go to work or be a
burden on her family.

There was a small “cabin”, for lack of a better word, that sat on the property and she leased it out to deer hunters. There were also several people who occupied that little shack when they couldn’t afford anything else. She leased the land for gravel. She
leased the land for other farmers to put their cows on. She leased the land for them to drill for oil. It was truly amazing how “land” and my papaw’s small retirement from Exxon kept her alive for over 30 years. And now my mom’s mineral rights were passed on to us girls and they will be passed on to our kids.

She ended up selling the house with the land that it sat on, built a smaller house closer to neighbors and lived there for a while. Once she reached her middle 80’s it was time to move near her daughters. She sold her house and the rest of the farm. She managed to only live with mom & dad a short while, then moved into assisted living. She was able to financially take care of herself until the day she died at 95. AND……there was still a little money left. Sometimes I think of their life...how simple it was. They didn't need all the latest rage. They made do with what they had. And they were able to take care of themselves until their dying day. I'm sure there's a lesson there somewhere.

This is where “I” come in. I had no idea. Never even crossed my mind. Since mom had passed her portion was divided between us three girls. Wow ! Just because of my bloodline. I found this not only a gift but a responsibility. After all, this wasn’t MY money. I
didn’t earn it. In fact, lots of labor for generations had gone in to me receiving anything. No telling how much it
took for my “Great’s” to accumulate and buy that much land. I wanted to make Papaw and Mamaw proud with my choices.

My Papaw was a no nonsense man. He never liked being away from home. He would come to visit and was ready to go home in two days. He didn’t need anything fancy. He loved the farm and that was good enough for him. He was “practical”. He may not have been rich but he always managed to have a couple of quarters in his pocket to take you down to the General Store to buy a pushup. Enough money to put gas in his car and truck so you could drive it all over that farm before your feet could even touch the pedals. Mamaw. on the other hand, loved pretty things. Papaw was fairly strict so she only occasionally bought a piece of “glass” as she called it. When he passed she not only took care of her needs, bought a few “pretty’s” but actually traveled overseas with my Aunt and Uncle. I was so proud of her.

So here I am, trying my hardest to figure out what to do with THEIR money.

I decided to please them both. I did the practical first: bought glasses for everyone, paid for car repairs, paid for a wedding,
etc…….but I really wanted to do something special, something a little frivolous…like mamaw ! Something “just for fun” !

Several bucket list items came in to play. I wanted a passport. I wanted a stamp in my passport. I wanted to be able to fly overseas(that’s HUGE…never thought I’d be able to make it that long in a plane over water). I’m just a few shorts weeks away from making that dream come true thanks to my grandparents.

I hope they would be proud with my choices. I would love to sit down and thank them personally. Not for my monetary inheritance as much as for the tremendous inheritance I received from having them in my life. For their Christian example. For their work ethic. For their love for people. For their giving spirit. For being the greatest grandparents a girl could ever have. I guess until I get to heaven this will have to do……

“All roads lead to Rome….and we’ll always have Paris” Thank you so much ! I love and miss you both !

I Wish My Eyes Could Take Photos.....

I really haven’t wanted to write a Christmas Blog this year. I haven’t wanted to send Christmas cards. I didn’t take a Family Christmas Picture. My basic thoughts have been….just get through it ! Then my friend said he had been checking my blog and noticed there hadn’t been any new posts. I thought about that a while and this is what I came up with….

I recently acquired a new camera. A camera that I can’t seem to work. A camera that is waaayyy beyond my expertise. Then I saw a quote the other day that said, “I wish my eyes could take photos”. If they could...this is what you would see……

It’s late. We’ve been traveling for hours and we’ve finally arrived. We come stumbling in, greeted by mom, no makeup, two pink sponge rollers on either side of her face, nightgown with some sort of big shirt thrown over it. She’s in the kitchen before we barely get in the door. Food adorns the countertops. Snacks, desserts, bags of food are everywhere. She’s immediately asking the boys if they are hungry, ready to whip up a feast at the drop of a hat. Dad comes stumbling in (he’s been in bed since 9:00). We start to visit as if we aren’t going to be there for the next few days. The hours creep on before we all head to bed.

We awake to the smell of whatever mom has on her menu: homemade cinnamon rolls, gravy & biscuits, egg casserole….you never know what but it’s always good. Boys are everywhere...their bodies seem to sprawl across every open space (there are so many of them). The ladies clean up then take over all the bathrooms in the house. Good luck if you take a shower and the water is actually hot.

Everyone heads to the mall to do last minute shopping, it’s Christmas Eve & we’re almost out of time. Hours tick away & we rush home to get dressed and we’re off to our tradition of eating out on Christmas Eve (yes...we get a break from cooking). Christmas Eve Service follows, we sing about the Christ child, we take communion, & we are once again reminded of what this Season is all about.

Family pics are taken after...we are the last ones to leave the church. This seems to be a lifelong thing for our family. We have to be the last ones out. Lol We arrive at home to mom’s homemade eggnog. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing better. Like drinking homemade ice cream. Mom also makes the BEST grilled cheese. I still can’t do it like her.

After everyone invades the kitchen and is filled to the brim we are suppose to head downstairs to the basement. We are a loud, opinionated, loud, hard to carouse, loud, fun, loud, talkative, LOUD family. This adventure to the basement seems to take hours before everyone is on the same page and downstairs. Mom is armed with the camera & is busy snapping any & every memory making moment.

Dad & mom have typically prepared games, or contests, or riddles & rhymes, for this part of the evening which involves gift giving. It’s fun and crazy...oh and did I mention LOUD ? Pictures are taken...memories made. After kisses and hugs and thank you’s we finally make our way to bed.

Christmas Day involves a lot of cooking, cleaning up and washing of the fine china ! The table is beautiful, everyone is dressed better than normal, and the food is worth the wait. This day is typically low key. Guys play pool, throw a football outside, a puzzle is put together (a yearly tradition), ads are read, talking is plentiful, and it’s a great day of family.

I started this blog with, “I wish my eyes could take photo’s”. Apparently, they already have and it’s been engraved on my heart forever. Beautiful memories…..life long treasures !

Wishing You and Your Family The Same...
Merry Christmas from Me to You =)

Snapshots !

Surprise. Tears. Engagement. Excitement. Shopping. Planning. Teamwork. Decisions. Stress. Coordinating. Expenses. Anticipating. Reflecting. Love. Joy. Forever.

What a journey. If you survive this process, you feel like you can survive anything. LoL Little do you realize at the time, it’s just the beginning of going through this same process over and over and over again. Life.

It’s hard as a mom not to reflect. To think of your son as that same little boy who use to sway back and forth to the beat of the music coming out of a ghetto box. (age 12 months) Time flies as you watch your kids growing up right before your very eyes.

I’m sure my parents felt the same way….although I really don’t remember it that way. I vividly remember the day of my wedding my mom blowing my eyes (telling me not to cry or it would mess up my makeup) and my dad asking me at the top of the aisle (right as we were getting ready to make our entrance) if I wanted to back out ? Not because he was unsure, he just wanted to make sure I was. NOT the time for a daddy/daughter moment to say the least….haha

This has been a year we won’t likely forget any time soon. Memories…. some good, some bad, some sad….. The wedding will be no different. We will take mental snapshots throughout the entire process and it will be filed away in our hearts forever. I’ll share just a few with you.

In light of those special people (grandparents) who can’t be with us for this special day…..my sisters will enter, escorted by my dad, carrying a single rose to represent my mom. The same will happen with Doug’s sisters representing their mom, and the same for Aubrey’s side of the family. The roses will be placed on the front pew, set aside to honor those we love who cannot be with us. Snapshot.

Aubrey opted to use the wedding cake topper from my parents wedding, over 51 years old. We also used this topper on our wedding cake. It’s now being passed to the third generation (mom would be beaming). There are no magical powers in that topper…..but just a representation of the foundation these marriages were built on and hopefully are being passed along. They will also be using the goblets from our wedding, 27 years old. CHEERS kids. Snapshot.

There are several articles being used that were my moms. When we were going through her things we found a brand new “serving set” for a wedding cake along with 4 sets of brand new silverware. We weren’t sure if she had started putting back gifts for the grandkids or not. (they are being put to good use, mom). There are several brand new picture frames, doily table coverings, old small lanterns, a face duster that was given to her on her graduation day…still in the box with a card. We are using all of these items. While she may not physically be with us, her presence will be felt everywhere. Snapshot.

I’m sure there will be many more snapshots……when Jordan first see’s Aubrey…when I see Jordan standing there like the adult man he is….when they are announced as husband and wife……their first dance……the daughter/dad and mother/son dance…..family……..

Memories. Laughter. Tears. Reflecting. Relaxing. Welcoming. Peace. Joy. Love. Forever.

Snapshots !

Things That Really Matter......

I've been teased by my family for qutie some time about not saving stuff. If it isn't nailed down, you just might find it in the trash. That doesn't mean I don't save anything...that just means I don't save everything. I'm sure alot of that has come from not having alot of room, no basement, and having to climb in attics or storage units where rats just wait for my arrival. LOL

I tend to keep things of significance. I thought it might be fun to open up my little "trunk of treasures" and share a few with you.

A Disney Bracelet: a friend brought this back to me in fifth grade. When you open the book that's a charm, a tri-fold piece of paper with Disney Characters pops out. Sjignificance: besides our friendship, the night she gave this to me my entire famiy nearly died. Unbeknownst to us, the water heater in our house had a pipe that rusted off and we had been breathing carbon monoxide for quite some time. The doctor told us if it had been even a few more hours, we all would have died. I will never forget that night. The bracelet reminds me of friendship and life.

A Pearl Heart Pendant: My Grandma Woods gave all us girls a pearl, heart broche from my great grandmother. Significance: not only a family heirloom but since Grandma only had boys, the first experience for her passing on something to "daughters"...even if it was granddaughters.

Tiara: Jr. High Homecoming Queen. Significance: The first time I realized I just might be able to break out of my "shell of shyness" and be the out going, friend loving, person I wanted to be. A huge confidence booster for me at age 14.

Promise Ring: Given to me by my first boyfriend, first love. A very special person who practically raised me. I started dating him when I was 14 and dated him off and on for about 3 1/2 years. Significance: I kept it tucked away to give to my daughter when she turned 13 (a teenager) to talk about dating, love, purity, etc... About two years ago (when I finally decided I wouldn't be able to give it away) I pulled it out of it's ring box and wear it on my pinkie. Fond memories of fun times in my life.

Nugget Necklace: Given to me by my dad. My first year in college, me & my older sister were going at the same time and dad said Christmas might be a little "light". He always gave us a gift just from him. That Christmas he had all his rings melted down and had nuggets made for all the ladies in the family and had one of his stones put in each one. Significance: Always reminding me of sacrificial love. At times when I lived far away, I would have that necklace on, and when I was feeling homesick, I would just reach up and hold onto that nugget. Amazing the comfort a gift can bring.

Smile File: When we started ministry at 22, we went to a conference and heard this lady speak. Ministry isn't easy...EVER. She was encouraging us and she told us to make a "smile file". Every time someone sent us a note of something good we did, put it in the file. On the days when people were just being a pain in the butt (my paraphrase of course) pull out the cards and read them. We've had one ever since. I still put cards in there even though we left ministry a while ago. Significance: Everyone needs to be reminded of the good things they do every once in a while.

Cross Bracelet: My moms cross bracelet. I really don't know how much she wore it but when we were going through her stuff, I found it in her jewelry box. Significance: Besides it just being hers, the crosses remind me of how she lived her life. Such a symbol of her. I wear it every day....somehow it makes me feel I take a part of her with me wherever I go.

These are just a few of my treasures. I don't know about you but daily life and all the pettiness that comes with it, sometimes makes me lose focus of the important things, things that really matter. Treasures that have helped me grow and become the person I am today. People who have occupied or just passed through my life, all contributing some sort of significance thats made me.....me ! If nothing else, I hope this blog makes you stop, take a moment, and think about all the things that matter most in your life. You won't regret it =) Love ya !!

The Boycott

I live in a very suburban area. The houses are built close together with barely enough yard space between them to have grass to sink your toes into. In fact, I’m fairly certain if I opened my window, I could reach out and wash the windows of my neighbor, if I felt so inclined to do so. We aren’t talking “Little House On The Prairie” here…where animals would have miles of land to roam free. With that scenario, you would expect varmints.

So WHY, OH WHY am I living in Animal Kingdom ? I dealt with a rat in my attic for close to 6 months before anyone would believe me and do something about it. Over a week now I’ve been dodging HUMAN SIZED lizards who won’t leave my tiny suburban yard, camping out on my patio furniture (so I won’t go outside and read) and NOW, I was awakened at 4:00 this morning to some sort of plastic wrap chewing, hopping around, moving animal, either in my vent, under my bed or outside of my window. It started to sound like “surround sound” so it’s hard to tell.

Typical routine ensued…I listened…and listened some more (just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming or wasn’t crazy..lol) Then I punched Doug, said “ssshhhh”….then NOTHING. “Wait…wait………..THERE it is, did you hear ?” Doug “No”. We repeat this routine. Me…hearing it VERY loudly. Deaf man…hearing nothing. (you would think after our last rat adventure he would just accept “I’m right”…there’s something there and at this point even pretend to hear it….cause LORD KNOWS we aren’t going back to sleep until HE HEARS IT !!!!) He storms off to the bathroom (because I woke him up for nothing) and I’m left alone in the room, glued to my bed, being tormented by this animal that is hopping, dragging plastic, chewing….to the point I’m literally breaking out in a sweat.

Let’s stop for a second here and discuss, “why do some animals only come out at night”. BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY AREN’T INVITED AND SHOULD NOT BE HERE ! When we lived in Arizona…animals just owned the place. I arrived home one day to wild hogs crossing the street, came around and they were hanging out at the fence in my back yard (these were big enough to ride). Coyotes often frequented the flower beds and they weren’t intimidated by you. Tarantula’s glued themselves to the walls outside..no inhibition…no hiding. Jack Rabbits….not cute little bunnies…invading your flowers…they didn’t care if you saw them. Oh well. Javelina’s out and about. You expected that these kids owned the place and were just allowing you to live there. Don’t bother them and they will not torment you and let you live.

HERE…things are creeeeepy ! Always in the dark, or lurking around. Hiding in your ceiling, or walls. Waking up innocent women who just want to sleep in peace.

After an “animated exchange of words” I grabbed my pillow and left to sleep in the den. The boycott has begun. Envision picket signs being made, “heck no, I won’t stay, make the animals go away” ! Negotiations will be on the table….some haggling will take place….but I will not sleep in that bedroom another day until we’ve reached a “peace treaty” (meaning….FIND THE VARMINTS AND GET RID OF THEM) !!

If I wanted to live at a zoo, I would. End of story! =)

"I'll Love You Forever......."

“I’ll love you forever….I’ll like you for always….as long as I’m living….my baby you’ll be.” I remember the first time I ever heard this quote (from the book “I’ll Love You Forever”)…I cried like a baby. What a way to rip a mom’s heart out. Especially a mom of boys.

What is it about the last one leaving home that just seems to put you in a tail spin? In just a few short days my baby is leaving the nest, flying the coop, heading north, leaving the cave…well, you get it. Tan is special…not just because he’s the baby, but he’s also the child who has lived with me the longest completely by himself. Four years…no one to share the daily attention with. All eyes focused on him.

We’ve also had to become a “team”. Right after Tyler left…Doug started traveling. A LOT ! That left me & Tan at home alone…A LOT ! He went from a dominant male house to just me & him. In the beginning, we had a lot of “quiet & painful” dinners out…just the two of us. Weird for two people who are use to a lot of noise, sarcasm, talking, and sharing at the table. But somehow, through it all, we’ve become buds.

Instead of writing a weepy and whiney blog about how sad I am, I decided I would share a few things I love about Tanner.

~I love that in 8th grade he got signed up for long distance track (had never ran track before) & instead of giving up as he got lapped by all the runners, he trotted by the stands, waved to the crowd, & flashed his pearly whites. The stands loved it.
~I love that he is so competitive. (I also hate that he’s so competitive..haha)
~I love that he took a negative “obsessive compulsive disorder” and turned it into a positive. He decided if he was going to be compulsive it might as well be about something healthy. He exercises religiously and has the biceps to prove it =)
~I love that whatever he puts his mind to; he finds success by doing his best.
~I love that he takes pride in his work.
~I love that he’s never missed curfew, I’ve never had to monitor his grades, nor his money.
~I love that when I was told I was losing my job in the school district and came home crying uncontrollably, he never asked a word, but walked over and put his arm around me while I cried.
~I love that whenever I showed up at school, for any event, he would come over and hang out, chat, and acknowledge my presence.
~I love that he could care less what others think about his relationship with his parents.
~I love that he loves hanging out with his brothers more than anybody else in his life.
~I love that you never have to guess what he’s thinking. Just wait 45 seconds and he will tell you. =)
~I love that after the boys arrived at my parent’s house, after mom died, he was the first son to walk over and put his arm around me. He also does this quite often in church on Sundays (one of my hardest days).
~I love that he’s not ashamed of what he believes and “walks the walk” to prove it.
~I love that he loves God and understands the importance He is in his life.
~I love that right after mom’s death, just a week later, he had to pull off being the lead in the school musical…and he did it.
~I love that every night, at curtain call; he would take his bow then throw a kiss to heaven. (I hope Sanma got a glimpse…just once)
~I love that 18+ years ago God decided I needed just one more boy
~I love that he told us (in so many words) that he’s going to miss us
~I love YOU….Tanner Austin Brodess and will miss you very much <3

Kids bring us joy. They change us. They challenge us. They turn our lives upside down and we often don’t remember life before them. They are the greatest blessing I’ve ever been given. I am one blessed momma.

The Journey To "I Do"....Part 2

I've rarely witnessed this sight in all the years I've raised my boys. Maybe if we were visiting the grandparents, we would take a family outing to the mall, just to "do something". Walk the mall, spend the money the grandparents had given them, then go home. My boys aren't much on shopping. Jordan and Tanner ONLY like to go if they have money and are looking for something in particular. Ty could care less if he has money and quite frankly, rarely is looking for something. He hates to shop, could care less about trends or if he's in style...haha (I'm not sure "how" they are related to me =)

Today, we had several tasks at hand: shopping for Groomsmen pants (a daunting task by now), Ty shopping for dress clothes for work, and Tan was there to try stuff on and look for some college attire. This really should have been 3 separate trips...but I had to take what I could get.

Ty found a few things,purchased & immediately began complaining that "this is 'why' he doesn't buy clothes. They are too much money" ..haha I tried to tell him if he bought a little "here & there" he wouldn't have to drop a wad all at once. In other words, don't wait 4 yrs. to update your closet...haha He REALLY needs to catch a low-maintenance kind of girl =)

Tan didn't fall in love with anything and was relatively finished after the first store =) OH BOY !! This is going to be fun.

And then we have Jordan...who has been shopping for Groomsmen pants for a while now. It's alot of work when you don't want to go "traditional" at your wedding and just rent tuxes. The process went like this: the brothers would try on pants, Jord would take a pic, text the pic to Aubrey..then wait for approval. This is where it gets interesting...haha

(The men in my house have pretty much ruled my home. It's a dominate testosterone driven house. I either make a fuss...everyone begrudges me my wishes...hates it & shows it...then I find it really wasn't worth it after all.)Now a new female is going to be entering the ranks. Not just a girlfriend...but a permanent fixture. Whatever are they going to do ? haha

They tried on several pairs of pants but nothing seemed to work. Jord is frustrated, but not talking about it, and Tyler, in all the tact that he can muster, blurts out, "don't you get a say about your own guys clothes? I mean, isn't that YOUR ONE thing?" aaahahahahaha Holding back outlandish laughing was the hardest thing I've ever done. I believe Jord's response was something like, "just wait Tyler until you are in a REAL relationship, and you have to make someone else happy besides yourself." hahaha Me & Tyler just snicker behind his back =)

This is when you realize your "boy" has grown into a "man"....when he realizes that getting married will mean compromise, pleasing, bending, changing your mind, not always getting your way, and keeping what's important....important.

And as for me...I begin to realize that "the odds, may soon be in my favor." =) LOL
BOO-YAH !!!!

In The Moment......

How many times have you done something "in the moment" and then later looked back and thought, "what the heck was I doing?" I know I've done it far too many times to count.

Today, my friend at work was sharing about a lady who has two brain tumors. Of course this brought up a discussion about my mom. There's very little I can tell you about those traumatic days that has any humor to it....but today I shared a humorous "moment" with her and thought you might get a kick out of it too.

Let me back up first. I don't know how many of you who read my blogs knew my mom. She was a refined lady. I don't mean "snooty" if that's what you're thinking. More like...classic. She never left the house without being "put together". Right before I got married I remember her telling me to "get up every day, get yourself dressed, makeup, hair, the works. If you don't make yourself worth coming home to, Doug will find somebody else who will". I've never forgotten that ! LOL In my lifetime, I can count maybe 15 times I didn't see my mom get up and get herself made for the day. And most of those times she was sick or recovering from surgery.

She would come up to the hospital shortly after I had given birth and after visiting, hugging and cooing over the baby for a while, she would look at me and say, "do you want to put on a little makeup?" haha Somehow I would appease her with at least putting on ome lipstick. =) She seemed to think that makeup makes you feel better..or at the least...makes you look better =)

Over the years our family has talked alot aobut funerals, deaths, etc..Probably because we attended so many with dad being a Pastor. We talked about what we did and didn't like. Since mom's death happened so quickly, we basically walked around in a blur the first 48 hours, trying to put her funeral together. Mom had said for years "I don't want an open casket". I don't think in her wildest dreams did she ever think she would die young. In fact, my grandma (her mom) is still alive. She always said, "I don't want people coming to look at me after I've been sick. I won't even look like myself and everyone will come by and just gawk". We took this into consieration but because of the suddenness of her death, dad decided on the night we went to the viewing that he was going to have an open casket. He felt this would help bring closure for people. Besides, she looked just like herself. They did an amazing job. The grandkids kept saying, "it just looks like she's asleep". There had been no suffering..no long endured sickness.

After coming into the funeral home, crying and consoling one another, we all began to relax a little. When I realized dad was going to have an open casket, I stepped closer to get a good look at mom. They did a great job...but it looked like there was just a little something missing. I kept staring at her and finally said, "I think she needs more mascara." Before I knew it, I was standing at the head of her casket (I wanted to get a good angle) and I bent over and started applying mascara. Now even though mom was a good teacher, and I've had alot of practice, THIS was a little different. I soooo didn't want to get any on her cheeks. What if I did...how would I get it off ? I am applying it VERY "gingerly" to say the least. As I'm fixated on my job, my younger sis' walks over and says, "I think she needs some eye liner. She doesn't have any on." Sooo...she joins me. I'm applying mascara, she's applying eyeliner. And you guessed it, older sis' came over and said, "She needs more lipstick" and whipped out a tube and started applying. Three girls, leaned over our moms casket, diligently applying makeup to her face. We were "In the Moment"....oblivious to the rest of the world. It was only as my cousin came up, laughing and crying and said, "you guys are cracking me up...I can't believe you are putting makeup on your mom" that we snapped back to reality and realized we must look like we have lost our mind.

My first thought & response was, "do you KNOW my mom ? If we let her go to her funeral without her makeup being right and looking her best....we will be haunted from heaven the rest of our lives." =) I truly believe that ! haha We were trained right !! lol

I've had alot of "In The Moments" over my lifetime. They've come and gone....but I will always remember "this moment"...when humor came up and grabbed me by the collar when I least expected it and for just a moment, made me smile. =)

The Journey To "I Do".......

I can not figure out "why" something I use to love to do has suddenly become a dreaded chore. Nearly every Saturday growing up, after we girls helped my mom clean the house, we would head off to the mall to window shop, and in the rare lucky times, BUY ! It's just what we did. I've spent many Saturdays since doing the same thing...mostly by myself.

I'm pretty picky. I don't like things to touch me. I don't like my knees to show. (although I must be going through some sort of a "mni-crisis" lately because I've bought a few summer dresses that come to my knee...mercy!)Give me a few months...it will be out of my system and I'll be back to plain old me =)

Every time I have a big occasion coming up (last one was my all school reunion) the shopping becomes a marathon. Alot of stressing, second guessing, dieting goes into the mix of trying to find the "perfect outfit". It's a job to say the least.

Trying to find this "mother of the groom" dress has gradually become a nuisance. It
lost it's joy about the second Saturday I found nothing. But today, I felt hopeful. Heading to an entirely different area of town, I was focused, determined, ready to make a purchase. I arrive at the store and it seemed to be endless with choices. I really like this place. It's weird though. Because they sale wholesale and retail, there are no dressing rooms. Their recommendation, just try it on over your clothes. Hmmm....interesting. It's hard to picture looking "magical" when you have this "bulk" of clothing sticking out everywhere it's not suppose to be. Winning !

I find one that I really like...put it on (over my clothes) take a pic and text it to "the groom"..my boy. This goes on..me texting Jordan..then my younger sis..then the bride. By this time I am just sweating...mostly because I have two sets of clothes on...and stores around here are apparently cutting back on air because every store is hot. This goes on for close to an hour...trying on clothes...taking a pic...sending it...getting negative feedback. The best thing about the whole experience is everything looks big (even with my clothes on) and I'm having to try on the next smaller size. Yes...there is a merciful God. =) Finally, I decide to give up and walk down the sidewalk to another store.

Another store with lots of selection ! I'm pumped. The momentum is building. SURELY...I will find something here. They can cut a long dress off to tea length...they can order anything I like in a different color...different size...SCORE !
I find several, head to the dressing room. AND THEY HAVE A DRESSING ROOM !! Double Score !! As soon as I close the door, I'm immediately aware of how warm it is in the room. I can do it...don't think about it Ginger. Most of the ones I brought in were not in my size...mostly bigger...but I would at least get the "essence" of the look. Hmmm....I got the essence alright. Not one dress...my size...bigger size....BIGGEST size..fit me. I couldn't zip a single one. Dear Lord...what happened on the walk from the first store to the second. Suddenly the movie "Mean Girls" came to mind. It's as if I was strolling along eating some kind of protein bar from one store to the next causing me to gain massive weight. I went from wearing clothes smaller than my size to not being able to fit in to clothes two times larger than my size. NOW I'M REALLY SWEATING ! Nearly fuming ! I sense if I don't hurry up and get out of here I literally may have a meltdown.

I leave. Aggravated. Discouraged. No closer to finding my magical dress. The dress that will be in "forever pictures". Picutres that reside in an album on a coffee table. Tomorrow is another day....another opportunity for a new adventure.....

Stay tuned..... =)

Guess I Had Something To Say Afterall........

I was going to share this on my FB status but then realized I needed ALOT more room to truly express myself. Yesterday my dad posted this as his Facebook status and I would like to share it with you: "I strongly disagree with Obama on many issues and hope that we will elect a new Presient this coming November. But I do not wish Obama any harm. The reason I have chosen to express my thoughts in this matter is because of a few comments on FB regarding our former Bush Presidents. No true American and certainly no Christian should wish harm to anyone else, If you don't like the rats who are in office then vote them out. Thank God that we are not living in a country where we fear opposing our leaders. To wish misfortune or harm for another is to invite the same on ourselves." THIS is the kind of "leader" I grew up with. My dad is by no means perfect, but the one thing I have always appreciated about my parents is balanced perspective. They've taught me to "stand up" for what I believe in....without having to "step on" everyone else who doesn't agree with me. Is it hard ? Of course ! I hate that people don't "think like me"...on any issues...it doesn't matter what issue it is. Politics, religion, finances, you name it. I just had a similiar discussion with my oldest yesterday (who by the way, voted for Obama). It's funny how we have MANY groups in America....all rallying for their cause...all talking about the opposite side as if "what they are doing is horrible" and yet are practicing the same thing. Oh...you want an example you say ? Religious groups aren't going to shop at Target because they sold T-Shirts to support Gay Rights/Marriage. The gay community is outraged because "Christians" are being out spoken about their opinions in this. Flip side: my son, who has many gay friends, said they LOVE Chick Filet...but refuse to eat there because they support Religious Rights...opposing gay marriage. Hmmm.....and thus we have America. Am I saying "don't stand for anything" ? No ! Vote for who you think is best for our country, representing what you feel is most important. I DO !! But the "mud slinging" has got to stop. Figure out "how" to express your opinion without everyone feeling like they have to take a "shower" or a "shovel" after you spew. I don't know about you but the President of the United States is not, nor ever has been, the leader in my life. He leads where I live. I get to choose who is the leader in my life. God gave me a wonderful, educated, intelligent father who taught me more than any other leader in my life. But above all GOD is the leader of my life. He's the leader of this country, regardless of anyone's view (in my opinion of course) so I am going to rest in the fact that HE'S got it ALL under control ! I have enough to worry about taking care of me :)

Flashback....

It was six months ago on a Thursday… just like today….on the 5th….just like today. I had just arrived at work, turned on my computer, looked at what was on my agenda for the day, when I received the call from my little sis’, “dad found mom unconscious and we are all on our way to the Emergency Room”. What unfolded over the next MANY hours still tends to be a blur.

Just seven days before we had all been one big happy family. Christmas is always a special time at mom and dads. Mom cooks for WEEKS (even though we have told her not to exhaust herself). All of her special china is pulled out to adorn the table. Games are thought about weeks in advance for the whole family to play. We laugh….it’s loud….the house is full….the love is evident.

I look back now at special moments during our last visit. Mom had been organizing things. She took me into dads office, showed me where she had set up a filing drawer. She explained this is where all the “important papers” were kept….just so we would know. She walked me into her pantry and showed me how she had organized all the canned goods onto lazy susans. It looked great and I took that idea home for some things in my house. I had to go to a walk in clinic while I was there visiting and when I got back, mom took me into her room, pulled out her prayer journal and In the very back was all her home remedies she had read about and collected the information. She sat and read them to me, one by one, explaining which ones she had tried and then directed me to the one I needed to try….haha

I remember walking into the kitchen Christmas day and she seemed frazzled. I knew that look of, “I’m overwhelmed, help me think”. We have been a pair for quite some time. I’m not sure “why” she had always depended on me, but for some reason me showing up to help cook always seemed to ease her mind.

Because of my new job, our trip wasn’t as long as it usually is (in hindsight this makes me very upset). Typically on the day we leave, we all meet at a restaurant for lunch and then get on the road. This trip was no different. We ate and then stepped outside to do our “hugging and goodbye’s”. I remember going over to mom to say “thanks” and she said, “I wished you guys didn’t have to go so soon. It was too short.” She seemed sad. My boys talked about this later on. It seemed "out of the ordinary" to them too. I reassured her, “mom…I’m going to see you in three weeks.” (Her & dad were coming to Texas for a few months). That’s the last time I talked to her.

Flashbacks…… Thoughts of “if I had only known”, “was I thankful for all she did?”, “did I express my gratitude and appreciation?” “Did I make her proud?” I refuse to be mad at God for taking her so soon. I am thankful that God allowed her to stay for 70 years. I know so many who have lost a parent much younger than me. If I have one thing I get very sad about it’s this…I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t know so I couldn’t ask her questions. I couldn’t express how much she meant to me. I didn’t get to tell her how much I respected her and was so proud to call her mom.

I guess there is a lesson there somewhere. Tell the people you love and care about….that you love and care about them...often. I have never pretended that I’m half the person she was, I only hope that some small part of her rubbed off on me and one day my boys will be able to feel and say the same things about me.

Six months. Some days it feels like a lifetime. Some days it seems like only yesterday. You have been missed every moment of every day mom. We feel so out of sorts without you. Until we meet again.......love you !

Home Project Gone Wild

In my house the word “home project” tends to be a bad word. I appear to be the only one who really enjoys it (at least at the beginning). After mom passed dad was wanting to get rid of some of moms décor and so I took these wrought iron, “beachy-type” decorations. I wanted to redecorate my bathroom and who would turn down free stuff. Besides….if I can’t live by a beach…might as well make a room in my house feel like I do ! What started off as “free stuff” quickly turned into “well, now I need to get new towels…I need a new shower curtain…new bath mats..” well, you see where I’m going with this. My aunt and uncle came in to visit the last two days and when they got here I explained I was in the middle of redoing the bathroom they would be using. I started describing to my uncle what I wanted to do. When I told him that I was going to basically make a shabby chic, roof like structure over my tub to look like the roof of a worn out beach shack….HE GOT EXCITED !! He couldn’t stop thinking about it. I came home yesterday and he had wood laying on my den floor to show me how I needed to do it. It was brilliant. Then he said, “let’s go to Lowe’s and I’m going to buy you towel racks, toilet paper holder, new light, the wood for the shack, etc…”. WOW…how blessed am I ?? We got home late…tried to fix the light…didn’t have the right hardware…so he didn’t have time to do it. They flew out this morning. Hmmm….(Doug is out of town, of course) so what to do ?? There’s no way I can look at all that new stuff the next few days without seeing it put up, so off to get the tools. BTW…I hate reading instructions. It’s like me trying to read a map. Just not going to happen. To my surprise I was able to hang 3 towel racks and a toilet paper holder. Sooooooooo proud of myself. Of course I didn’t use all the hardware they provided. Seriously !! A man has to pack those things. Somehow they think more is better. Sometimes “more” is just MORE !! I’m not bolting the fridge to the wall…it’s a towel rack for heaven sake. The only thing I’m scared to attempt is the light fixture. I WANT TO SOOOOO BAD !! It’s like a “right of passage”. I want to know I CAN do it ! I know how to flip the breaker….so I’m not completely concerned about getting electrocuted. What I’m mostly afraid of is connecting the wrong wires and shorting out an entire wall. It CAN happen ! (we had a dog bite into a wire once, we flipped on the light and shorted out an entire wall) A very expensive fix !  Just trying to weigh the odds……haha All I know is “simple” is never simple !!

The Pebble & The Shoe

The pebble in the shoe. We've all heard this analogy before. We've used this example to try and prove a point. Last week my boss was having me pour over invoices/financials, trying to find $18.68. I have no idea how long I had been working on it when he laughed at his insistance & said, "I know ! That's about the price of lunch." I chuckled, let him know, "yes it's important, but he's kind of like a rock in my shoe". He looked surprised then said, "don't you mean a pebble?" To which I replied, "noooo...I'm pretty sure you feel like a ROCK right about now"..haha

I love this analogy because it speaks so much about life. Let me share a little about me. About 9 years ago I was diagnosed with Ocular Histoplasmosis Syndrone. You get this from bird and bat droppings in the air. You breathe it in through your lungs...and most people get it as a form of pneumonia..but for the wonderful 5% of the population like me, it goes to your eye. Surgery....then several dye treatments later(similar to chemotherapy where they put dye in your arm & as it passes through your eye..they zap the bad blood vessels) they finally got it under control, after about a year. By that time, I had lost all my center vision. The best way to describe it is, if I was looking at you and closed my right eye, I would see the outline of you, but it would look like someone took their thumb and "smudge out" your face. I can't tell you what it's like to loose the major use of an eye, after living with two for about 39 years. Basically...is sucks.

Today....my eye was MY pebble. I had to drive to work..in the dark (because of the lovely, NO TIME CHANGE YET. It's difficult to enough to drive at night...but add cars going 75 miles an hour...only headlights coming your way...no sense of depth perception (how far away they are, etc...), changing interstates 4 times...my pebble quickly became a ROCK !! I got mad..then sad...then frustrated...vulnerable...scared....pretty much every emotion you can feel in one 40 minute drive to work.

Then I realized on my way home how much we all have our own pebbles. Things that get in our shoe. First..it's just there. Then is starts to rub a little. It seems like the longer it's there..the sharper it becomes. It gets to the point where you can think of nothing else. Maybe it's the pebble of unforgiveness, pride, hurt, anger, doubt, fear..maybe you have your own "ailment". If it's something you can fix...sit down...take the time to figure it out and get the pebble out of your shoe so you can begin to enjoy life again. If it's something you can't remove...like me...do what I'm choosing to do. Be thankful for all the things you do have. Before long...that ROCK will turn back into a pebble in no time.

Button Pushers & The Force Field

It must have been destiny that I was given the name Ginger. How could my parents have known when I was so young, innocent & sweet..that I would MORE than live up to that name ? When looking up the meaning of the name Ginger..one of the definitions was "pep or liveliness"...LOL Yeah, let's go with that, it sounds so much better =-)

Well, having "pep & liveliness" means I'm a bit high-spirited ! I like to think of myself as a really nice & caring person, who would do just about anything for anyone, love people, have lots of friends, hard worker, etc...BUT I have this invisible "force field" that surrounds me. I am ALL those things I mentioned above...UNTIL you get too close to the force field. This is where my "liveliness' starts to kick in =-)

But let's back up....HOW do people get close to the force field ? Most of the time..these people are "button pushers". (Button Pushers -a person who enjoys getting people irritated and starting fights and arguments; a colloquial term for an instigator.) I've given birth to three of them...my dad has been one for me(don't worry...this has been a discussion for YEARS..no new revelation here..haha) and then I've had random friends and acqaintances. A good for instance would be a former boyfriend who told me once, "you're so cute when you're ticked off...I think I do it just because of that." BUTTON PUSHER !! If you could envision what Popeye looks like when steam is coming out of his ears..with his face blood red...THAT would be ME !! I'm thinkin' not so cute dude ! While a girl likes to be flattered..sense the mood! It's not lookin' good for ya !! haha

My boys...BUTTON PUSHERS !! And they all have different ways of doing it. They're talened in that way. It's a nudge..then a poke..slight shove..THEN AN ALL OUT PUSH !!!! They've not only entered the force field, they've made themselves comfortable, danced around & hoorahed a bit...and amazingly lived to tell about it. They've definitely seen the "peppy girl" emerge.

I'm not sure if I just have an extra allotted amount of buttons...it's just too easy...my force field is so strong it just magnetically draws people in to torment me or what.....but I seem to have an over abundance of "button pushers". =-)

Do any of you know what I'm talking about ? Got your own "button pushers"? I sure hope so.....because IF it's just ME.....well, that's another blog, for another day !! =-)

What Was I Thinking ????

How many times has that question raced through my mind over the past 48 hrs. ? The answer comes almost immediately...."apparently I wasn't."

I haven't blogged in a while. I guess I haven't had alot to say. (I know some of you find that really hard to believe..lol) But writing, for me, is therapy. And today....I'm feeling like I could use a little therapy. If this doesn't work...professional help may soon be sought!) =-)

I am a list maker. Things to do: 1)buy Jordan a plane ticket 2)find Jordan a place to stay 3)give Jordan cab money.....A RESOUNDING CHECK !! But rarely do things work according to a list.

We should have known things weren't going to go as planned with the NYC adventure when the guy Jord was subletting his room from...sent the apartment key to the wrong address..so it never made it to Texas. I can only suppose this same guy never thought about asking his roommate if he was going to be in town because at the last minute..he found out he wasn't. Thus...the key was given to the Supe''! As Jordan is getting ready to board the plane..the Supe' text that he has to work and won't be home til' late. Let's see..Jordan..in NYC..late at night..sitting on the side of the road..with 4 bags..waiting on the Supe'! Hmmm...now doesn't that just scream "HEY..MUG ME !!" Thank heavens he was raised to have some sense and opted to call a friend and sleep @ his place. (of course I didn't find any of this out until 11:00 that night. Smart boy!) =-)

The next morning the Supe' tells Jord to walk to the building (20 blocks away..carrying a duffle bag & backpack) and sit outside and see if someone could let him in, because he has to work. Jord walks..waits..and a half hour later..the Supe'(light bulb) decides to call somebody to let him in. Hmmm....where was that thinking the day before ??

Jordan walks the 20 blocks back to get his other two suitcases, and walks the 20 blocks back to the apartment. I'm sure most of you are asking, "why didn't he hail a freakin' cab?" That's what I asked. I guess out in the "burroughs" cabs aren't just whizzing by all the time! Who knew ?? They are always around on TV. Ugh...hollywood illusion !!

At this point it's been an emotional 24 hrs. to say the least. Jord is physically and emotionally drained...which means, so am I. Knowing your child is stressed out...and across the country...where you can't reach them..is a horrible feeling.

Saturday morning comes..I'm hoping for a brighter day. Aubrey (his girlfriend) and I are out..getting our nails done..trying to make ourselves feel better, when we get this text from Jord..."the Supe' just called me and told me they are going to be taking off my apartment door tomorrow and won't put it back on til' the next day." Hmmmm......WHAT????? Momma bear is coming alive....and God help anyone who gets in my way. I start asking for numbers. I'm fixin' to get up close and personal with a few NYC people...and I don't plan on it being pretty. HOW do you sublet your room out and FORGET to mention to the guy renting it that "oh...by the way...you aren't going to have a door to your apartment for a day." I pull the car over..put Jord on speaker phone so he can talk me & Aubrey through this insanity. We found out there is a hall door..that actually locks.. that leads to Jord's and another person's apartment. I'm starting to feel better realizing that..okay..so only one other apartment has exposure to yours..UNTIL...the following conversation takes place:

Me: "So who lives in the other apartment?"
Jord: "An old guy.
Me: "Oh good. That shouldn't be too bad then."
Jord: "Yeah..except when I came in yesterday, his door was cracked and he was laying on the bed with no pants on watching TV. He only had a t-shirt on."
Me: "You mean he was walking around in his underwear?"
Jord: "NO...I MEAN...he ONLY had a t-shirt on. NOTHING else."

(if you ever watched FRIENDS...the ugly, naked guy episode comes to mind)

My head might explode at this point. WHAT WAS I THINKING???? Why would any normal mom, with a little sense, send her child to NYC ???? Have I lost my ever lovin' mind ? It would appear.

I can only hope that one day...we will all look back on this time in our lives and be able to laugh ! Until then............

Transitions....Part 2

A month ago today I posted a blog about "Transitions" ! WOW !!

This was an exact quote from that blog: "But I feel "transition" taking place in me. A time for change..a different step..a new direction. It's scary for me to let go of the familiar...to walk in the unfamiliar. I don't know if this will be forever...or just for a time. I feel transition taking place....now to only walk in it."

Can you imagine when I look back now..I have to wonder if God was somehow preparing me for what was to come ? I wrote that blog partly based on "changing churches..and changing demonimations". That "transition" has now been made. (my heart will always love the A/G..it has nothing to do with the denomination..as much as going to a church I want to attend).

I wrote that blog thinking maybe I was feeling antsy knowing in a year I would be entering "empty nest syndrome". I had actually talked to a friend about wanting to maybe some day work for a Disaster Relief Organization. (I was thinking future,not now). Next thing you know, I'm being told I'm going to be laid off, when just in the fall they had told us their plan was to not lay anyone off..maybe just rearrange people a bit. I was not ready for this "transition".

And now we are getting ready to add another "transition" to the pot. My oldest, Jordan, is moving home for a bit after finishing a 9 month internship. Don't get me wrong..I'm ecstatic ! But we have not had 5 people living under this roof "permanently" in over 5 years. Basically, from the time Jordan left for college..he's never come back home for more than a few weeks. We will have 4 adults living under one roof...we will ALL have a little "transition". =)

So...you're asking...what have I learned from all of this ?? Transition happens to everybody. There's nothing you can do to stop it..you just have to buckle yourself in and try to survive the ride. But here are a few tips from someone walking through it:

1. Look Inside !! Sometimes it's only through hard times do we really find out what we're made of. You get reacquainted with yourself all over again. You find out if you're a scrapper or a sloucher. It's not always bad getting to know YOU once again.

2. Look Around !! Latch on to those that are around you..caring..supporting..
cheering you on. Some very important people in your life will rise to the top during this time. **Side note here: (I'm going to rant, so stop reading now if you don't want to hear it)! In ministry I was always amazed at people who seemed to disappear in a crisis. They wouldn't be there for their friends and their excuse was "I'm just not good with that kind of stuff" ! Well..newsflash people !! Very few individuals are born with sympathy, empathy, the right words to say, etc..! People become that way... BY DOING !! That's how I learned. I have a friend who was recently expressing their sadness over my job and he said, "I just don't know what to say!" My response, "you don't have to say anything....you can't fix it..but you CAN show up"! Alot of friendship is based on being willing to just show up!

3. LOOK UP ! I don't always understand God's ways. I get aggravated at Him, I let Him know that..haha....and believe it or not...I don't believe everything that happens in life is blamed on God. He didn't make the state or government get into debt...or spend uselessly..so that one day I would lose my job. We suffer consequences of the world....because we live in the world. It's called LIFE ! But after I get all my anger and frustration out...I know beyond a shadow of a doubt..there's nowhere I want to look except for UP... in order to gain peace that I can't receive anywhere else.

I hope that maybe..in some small way..if you are going through your own type of "transitions"..you will find a little comfort in knowing..you're not alone. We all make this journey at one time or another. And with God's help..we will all survive ! =)

Moments......

...brief periods of time. If you blink..they are gone...just as quickly as they came. We all have them: some are "Awwwww..moments" some are "Ooohhhh..moments"..
some are "YAY..moments" some are "Ouch..moments" some are so hard to describe, words can't explain it.

This has been a week of "moments" for me. It started Monday when my boss came flittin' through the office, leaned over and said, "could I see you for just a minute?" I grabbed my pen & pad ready to write down whatever project she wanted me to do, only to discover "it wasn't one of those kind of moments". As she explained my situation to me, our eyes both filled with tears, and we had a "moment".

After work, I called Doug (who was out of town, of course) & my mom..to tell them the news and was finally able to let my guard down and cry. And cry I DID !! All the way home, at the pharmacy, into the house..so that by the time I got off the phone..I was crying so bad I couldn't speak. Tanner was sitting on the couch & asking, "what's wrong"...probably thinking someone had died. When I was finally able to "sob out words" I told him the news. I will never forget this as long as I live. He quietly closed his book, walked over to the couch, wrapped both arms around me and just held me while I cried. He didn't ask me any questions, he didn't say a word...and we had a "moment" I will never forget. (Side note here...I know some people would think it's horrible to let your kids see you so upset, or worried. In my opinion, the best thing we can teach our kids is "real life". Life is disappointment, failure, not fair...and showing our kids anything else is doing them a disservice. When they get older...and life hands them lemons..they'll know this is just a part of life, it's not personal. Now I have to show them how to dust myself off, pick myself up, and move on.)

My week has continued to have "moments" ! From everyone in the office helping me with my resume, to waking up each day to someone sending me a message, or posting on my wall... words of encouragement, "I'm thinking about you".."I'm praying for you"..Phone calls saying "do they know what they're losing" ? Each and every "moment" has reached me and touched me in a special way...and usually shows up at just the right time! =)

When tomorrow comes...today's worries will be a thing of the past..but these are the times I will always remember. The crisis will have passed, but the "moments" will always linger.........

What's Bugging Me ??

I’ve been churning that around in my head for quite a few months lately. I haven’t been able to pinpoint “one” specific thing that was putting me in a funk ! Mainly because…there are MANY !! haha But today….sitting on the floor at work…looking over some charts…I found myself subconsciously listening to the conversation that was going on all around me at my office. AND IT HIT ME !! THIS is “ONE” of the things that’s been bothering me…even without me realizing it.

I went to work for our school district, in the administration building, almost two years ago. From the time I’ve walked in..there has been talks about money..budget cuts, etc… Which of course seems pretty normal. Basic fact of life… things have to be trimmed, smarter decisions made, etc….. But starting about 7 months ago…this conversation took a different turn. Discussions started happening of people being laid off..moved around..you name it..it’s been talked about. At one point I wasn’t even sure if I was going to have a job….and still don’t know if that’s certain…or if I will stay at my current location. The district voted on providing a “buy out plan” to certain employees…if they wanted to retire early. People seem to be dropping like flies…and even more changes will be forthcoming. “Insecurity” would be considered the operative word of the day.

Then you go home to face your own giants of…lack of money…how are we going to do this…will this ever work out? I feel like I’m engulfed in a pool of “the unknown” and I can’t seem to swim out. You flip on the tv hoping to escape….and suddenly you’re encountered with the desperate needs of the world…lack of money…politics..tragedy, etc….. So much negativity ! It can be overwhelming !

It’s hard to be faced with this on a daily basis and still stay your positive, upbeat self. It’s hard not to feel weighted down, depressed, emotional….. On top of that….add a good dose of hormones, kids leaving home, changes in the family structure…and you have a MESS on your hands =( …OR what’s better known as “ME” !! =) I make no excuses……just trying to survive “the ride” !

One thing that I do know and holds steady for me is this….”Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7 ~One of my favorite verses !!

Transitions.......

...movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change.

Am I never NOT doing this ?? We are born to "transition". From birth to toddler..toddler to school age..school age to Jr. High..Jr. High to High School...and so on! Yet..even after all of my life-long practice...I still find it difficult.

Several years back I was having a conversathion with my dad about "church". My dad is a retired minister (right at 50 yrs.) and then I married a minister. We were in ministry for 20 years. So....if you add that all together..I was in ministry for about 41 yrs...before Doug & I stepped out 6 years ago. A looonnnnggggg time to understand "church". I remember talking to my dad about a church I had visited (non A/G..which is our denomination). I was captured by the "simplicity" of the service. No bells and whistles. In fact...they went to GREAT extreme's to make it "simple". It impressed me. I had become tired of what I felt like was "entertaining" Christians. That's hard to explain if you've never been in full time ministry. But that's how I felt. Almost like..."man, what ministry..program..conference..event..
outreach..worship service..drama..etc., am I going to do now that will top what I just did and still make everybody happy". (yes..for you spiritual people..I know it's God who leads & gives ideas..but that doesn't mean there is any less pressure on you as the tool He is using). My dad looked at me and said, "there are plenty of things that if I had it to do over...I would do it differently". That's exactly how I felt.

Now skip ahead a few years. I still have this longing for "simplicity" in church. Not watered down preaching. Not watered down worship. Just "simplicity". I have always been a "program" kind of person. I like programs. I like things to be involved in...but I was feeling a "transition" happening in me that I couldn't explain.

My middle son, Tyler, has started attending a non-denominational church (Baptist based) and loves it. This just happened to be the church I visited several years back. There are 10,000 people (on three different campuses) and yet..it STILL has to be one of the most "simplistic" churches I have ever been to. I went with Tyler..and have been attending on Sat. nights for the past month. I love that the pastor says "hey..this church might not be for you..and that's okay." I love that he welcomes the atheists and agnostics every service and invites their questions. I love that on Saturday afternoon at 5:00..the place is flooded with people (probably 800)..coming in "just as they are"..shorts, pants, jeans, whatever..bible in hands.. to hear God's word. It's not "what they are wearing" that makes it cool .It's that it doesn't matter..because that's not what it's about. I was thinking...I never saw in scripture where Jesus walked up to call a crowd and someone said "wait a second..let me go put on my Sunday best." I am attracted to..inspired by..the "lack of hoop-la" that I see.

Now comes the "transition". The hard part. I've been A/G my whole life. My beliefs will always follow along those lines..because that's what I believe. But I feel "transition" taking place in me. A time for change..a different step..a new direction. It's scary for me to let go of the familiar...to walk in the unfamiliar. I don't know if this will be forever...or just for a time.

I feel transition taking place....now to only walk in it.