The pebble in the shoe. We've all heard this analogy before. We've used this example to try and prove a point. Last week my boss was having me pour over invoices/financials, trying to find $18.68. I have no idea how long I had been working on it when he laughed at his insistance & said, "I know ! That's about the price of lunch." I chuckled, let him know, "yes it's important, but he's kind of like a rock in my shoe". He looked surprised then said, "don't you mean a pebble?" To which I replied, "noooo...I'm pretty sure you feel like a ROCK right about now"..haha
I love this analogy because it speaks so much about life. Let me share a little about me. About 9 years ago I was diagnosed with Ocular Histoplasmosis Syndrone. You get this from bird and bat droppings in the air. You breathe it in through your lungs...and most people get it as a form of pneumonia..but for the wonderful 5% of the population like me, it goes to your eye. Surgery....then several dye treatments later(similar to chemotherapy where they put dye in your arm & as it passes through your eye..they zap the bad blood vessels) they finally got it under control, after about a year. By that time, I had lost all my center vision. The best way to describe it is, if I was looking at you and closed my right eye, I would see the outline of you, but it would look like someone took their thumb and "smudge out" your face. I can't tell you what it's like to loose the major use of an eye, after living with two for about 39 years. Basically...is sucks.
Today....my eye was MY pebble. I had to drive to work..in the dark (because of the lovely, NO TIME CHANGE YET. It's difficult to enough to drive at night...but add cars going 75 miles an hour...only headlights coming your way...no sense of depth perception (how far away they are, etc...), changing interstates 4 times...my pebble quickly became a ROCK !! I got mad..then sad...then frustrated...vulnerable...scared....pretty much every emotion you can feel in one 40 minute drive to work.
Then I realized on my way home how much we all have our own pebbles. Things that get in our shoe. First..it's just there. Then is starts to rub a little. It seems like the longer it's there..the sharper it becomes. It gets to the point where you can think of nothing else. Maybe it's the pebble of unforgiveness, pride, hurt, anger, doubt, fear..maybe you have your own "ailment". If it's something you can fix...sit down...take the time to figure it out and get the pebble out of your shoe so you can begin to enjoy life again. If it's something you can't remove...like me...do what I'm choosing to do. Be thankful for all the things you do have. Before long...that ROCK will turn back into a pebble in no time.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Button Pushers & The Force Field
It must have been destiny that I was given the name Ginger. How could my parents have known when I was so young, innocent & sweet..that I would MORE than live up to that name ? When looking up the meaning of the name Ginger..one of the definitions was "pep or liveliness"...LOL Yeah, let's go with that, it sounds so much better =-)
Well, having "pep & liveliness" means I'm a bit high-spirited ! I like to think of myself as a really nice & caring person, who would do just about anything for anyone, love people, have lots of friends, hard worker, etc...BUT I have this invisible "force field" that surrounds me. I am ALL those things I mentioned above...UNTIL you get too close to the force field. This is where my "liveliness' starts to kick in =-)
But let's back up....HOW do people get close to the force field ? Most of the time..these people are "button pushers". (Button Pushers -a person who enjoys getting people irritated and starting fights and arguments; a colloquial term for an instigator.) I've given birth to three of them...my dad has been one for me(don't worry...this has been a discussion for YEARS..no new revelation here..haha) and then I've had random friends and acqaintances. A good for instance would be a former boyfriend who told me once, "you're so cute when you're ticked off...I think I do it just because of that." BUTTON PUSHER !! If you could envision what Popeye looks like when steam is coming out of his ears..with his face blood red...THAT would be ME !! I'm thinkin' not so cute dude ! While a girl likes to be flattered..sense the mood! It's not lookin' good for ya !! haha
My boys...BUTTON PUSHERS !! And they all have different ways of doing it. They're talened in that way. It's a nudge..then a poke..slight shove..THEN AN ALL OUT PUSH !!!! They've not only entered the force field, they've made themselves comfortable, danced around & hoorahed a bit...and amazingly lived to tell about it. They've definitely seen the "peppy girl" emerge.
I'm not sure if I just have an extra allotted amount of buttons...it's just too easy...my force field is so strong it just magnetically draws people in to torment me or what.....but I seem to have an over abundance of "button pushers". =-)
Do any of you know what I'm talking about ? Got your own "button pushers"? I sure hope so.....because IF it's just ME.....well, that's another blog, for another day !! =-)
Well, having "pep & liveliness" means I'm a bit high-spirited ! I like to think of myself as a really nice & caring person, who would do just about anything for anyone, love people, have lots of friends, hard worker, etc...BUT I have this invisible "force field" that surrounds me. I am ALL those things I mentioned above...UNTIL you get too close to the force field. This is where my "liveliness' starts to kick in =-)
But let's back up....HOW do people get close to the force field ? Most of the time..these people are "button pushers". (Button Pushers -a person who enjoys getting people irritated and starting fights and arguments; a colloquial term for an instigator.) I've given birth to three of them...my dad has been one for me(don't worry...this has been a discussion for YEARS..no new revelation here..haha) and then I've had random friends and acqaintances. A good for instance would be a former boyfriend who told me once, "you're so cute when you're ticked off...I think I do it just because of that." BUTTON PUSHER !! If you could envision what Popeye looks like when steam is coming out of his ears..with his face blood red...THAT would be ME !! I'm thinkin' not so cute dude ! While a girl likes to be flattered..sense the mood! It's not lookin' good for ya !! haha
My boys...BUTTON PUSHERS !! And they all have different ways of doing it. They're talened in that way. It's a nudge..then a poke..slight shove..THEN AN ALL OUT PUSH !!!! They've not only entered the force field, they've made themselves comfortable, danced around & hoorahed a bit...and amazingly lived to tell about it. They've definitely seen the "peppy girl" emerge.
I'm not sure if I just have an extra allotted amount of buttons...it's just too easy...my force field is so strong it just magnetically draws people in to torment me or what.....but I seem to have an over abundance of "button pushers". =-)
Do any of you know what I'm talking about ? Got your own "button pushers"? I sure hope so.....because IF it's just ME.....well, that's another blog, for another day !! =-)
Sunday, September 11, 2011
What Was I Thinking ????
How many times has that question raced through my mind over the past 48 hrs. ? The answer comes almost immediately...."apparently I wasn't."
I haven't blogged in a while. I guess I haven't had alot to say. (I know some of you find that really hard to believe..lol) But writing, for me, is therapy. And today....I'm feeling like I could use a little therapy. If this doesn't work...professional help may soon be sought!) =-)
I am a list maker. Things to do: 1)buy Jordan a plane ticket 2)find Jordan a place to stay 3)give Jordan cab money.....A RESOUNDING CHECK !! But rarely do things work according to a list.
We should have known things weren't going to go as planned with the NYC adventure when the guy Jord was subletting his room from...sent the apartment key to the wrong address..so it never made it to Texas. I can only suppose this same guy never thought about asking his roommate if he was going to be in town because at the last minute..he found out he wasn't. Thus...the key was given to the Supe''! As Jordan is getting ready to board the plane..the Supe' text that he has to work and won't be home til' late. Let's see..Jordan..in NYC..late at night..sitting on the side of the road..with 4 bags..waiting on the Supe'! Hmmm...now doesn't that just scream "HEY..MUG ME !!" Thank heavens he was raised to have some sense and opted to call a friend and sleep @ his place. (of course I didn't find any of this out until 11:00 that night. Smart boy!) =-)
The next morning the Supe' tells Jord to walk to the building (20 blocks away..carrying a duffle bag & backpack) and sit outside and see if someone could let him in, because he has to work. Jord walks..waits..and a half hour later..the Supe'(light bulb) decides to call somebody to let him in. Hmmm....where was that thinking the day before ??
Jordan walks the 20 blocks back to get his other two suitcases, and walks the 20 blocks back to the apartment. I'm sure most of you are asking, "why didn't he hail a freakin' cab?" That's what I asked. I guess out in the "burroughs" cabs aren't just whizzing by all the time! Who knew ?? They are always around on TV. Ugh...hollywood illusion !!
At this point it's been an emotional 24 hrs. to say the least. Jord is physically and emotionally drained...which means, so am I. Knowing your child is stressed out...and across the country...where you can't reach them..is a horrible feeling.
Saturday morning comes..I'm hoping for a brighter day. Aubrey (his girlfriend) and I are out..getting our nails done..trying to make ourselves feel better, when we get this text from Jord..."the Supe' just called me and told me they are going to be taking off my apartment door tomorrow and won't put it back on til' the next day." Hmmmm......WHAT????? Momma bear is coming alive....and God help anyone who gets in my way. I start asking for numbers. I'm fixin' to get up close and personal with a few NYC people...and I don't plan on it being pretty. HOW do you sublet your room out and FORGET to mention to the guy renting it that "oh...by the way...you aren't going to have a door to your apartment for a day." I pull the car over..put Jord on speaker phone so he can talk me & Aubrey through this insanity. We found out there is a hall door..that actually locks.. that leads to Jord's and another person's apartment. I'm starting to feel better realizing that..okay..so only one other apartment has exposure to yours..UNTIL...the following conversation takes place:
Me: "So who lives in the other apartment?"
Jord: "An old guy.
Me: "Oh good. That shouldn't be too bad then."
Jord: "Yeah..except when I came in yesterday, his door was cracked and he was laying on the bed with no pants on watching TV. He only had a t-shirt on."
Me: "You mean he was walking around in his underwear?"
Jord: "NO...I MEAN...he ONLY had a t-shirt on. NOTHING else."
(if you ever watched FRIENDS...the ugly, naked guy episode comes to mind)
My head might explode at this point. WHAT WAS I THINKING???? Why would any normal mom, with a little sense, send her child to NYC ???? Have I lost my ever lovin' mind ? It would appear.
I can only hope that one day...we will all look back on this time in our lives and be able to laugh ! Until then............
I haven't blogged in a while. I guess I haven't had alot to say. (I know some of you find that really hard to believe..lol) But writing, for me, is therapy. And today....I'm feeling like I could use a little therapy. If this doesn't work...professional help may soon be sought!) =-)
I am a list maker. Things to do: 1)buy Jordan a plane ticket 2)find Jordan a place to stay 3)give Jordan cab money.....A RESOUNDING CHECK !! But rarely do things work according to a list.
We should have known things weren't going to go as planned with the NYC adventure when the guy Jord was subletting his room from...sent the apartment key to the wrong address..so it never made it to Texas. I can only suppose this same guy never thought about asking his roommate if he was going to be in town because at the last minute..he found out he wasn't. Thus...the key was given to the Supe''! As Jordan is getting ready to board the plane..the Supe' text that he has to work and won't be home til' late. Let's see..Jordan..in NYC..late at night..sitting on the side of the road..with 4 bags..waiting on the Supe'! Hmmm...now doesn't that just scream "HEY..MUG ME !!" Thank heavens he was raised to have some sense and opted to call a friend and sleep @ his place. (of course I didn't find any of this out until 11:00 that night. Smart boy!) =-)
The next morning the Supe' tells Jord to walk to the building (20 blocks away..carrying a duffle bag & backpack) and sit outside and see if someone could let him in, because he has to work. Jord walks..waits..and a half hour later..the Supe'(light bulb) decides to call somebody to let him in. Hmmm....where was that thinking the day before ??
Jordan walks the 20 blocks back to get his other two suitcases, and walks the 20 blocks back to the apartment. I'm sure most of you are asking, "why didn't he hail a freakin' cab?" That's what I asked. I guess out in the "burroughs" cabs aren't just whizzing by all the time! Who knew ?? They are always around on TV. Ugh...hollywood illusion !!
At this point it's been an emotional 24 hrs. to say the least. Jord is physically and emotionally drained...which means, so am I. Knowing your child is stressed out...and across the country...where you can't reach them..is a horrible feeling.
Saturday morning comes..I'm hoping for a brighter day. Aubrey (his girlfriend) and I are out..getting our nails done..trying to make ourselves feel better, when we get this text from Jord..."the Supe' just called me and told me they are going to be taking off my apartment door tomorrow and won't put it back on til' the next day." Hmmmm......WHAT????? Momma bear is coming alive....and God help anyone who gets in my way. I start asking for numbers. I'm fixin' to get up close and personal with a few NYC people...and I don't plan on it being pretty. HOW do you sublet your room out and FORGET to mention to the guy renting it that "oh...by the way...you aren't going to have a door to your apartment for a day." I pull the car over..put Jord on speaker phone so he can talk me & Aubrey through this insanity. We found out there is a hall door..that actually locks.. that leads to Jord's and another person's apartment. I'm starting to feel better realizing that..okay..so only one other apartment has exposure to yours..UNTIL...the following conversation takes place:
Me: "So who lives in the other apartment?"
Jord: "An old guy.
Me: "Oh good. That shouldn't be too bad then."
Jord: "Yeah..except when I came in yesterday, his door was cracked and he was laying on the bed with no pants on watching TV. He only had a t-shirt on."
Me: "You mean he was walking around in his underwear?"
Jord: "NO...I MEAN...he ONLY had a t-shirt on. NOTHING else."
(if you ever watched FRIENDS...the ugly, naked guy episode comes to mind)
My head might explode at this point. WHAT WAS I THINKING???? Why would any normal mom, with a little sense, send her child to NYC ???? Have I lost my ever lovin' mind ? It would appear.
I can only hope that one day...we will all look back on this time in our lives and be able to laugh ! Until then............
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Transitions....Part 2
A month ago today I posted a blog about "Transitions" ! WOW !!
This was an exact quote from that blog: "But I feel "transition" taking place in me. A time for change..a different step..a new direction. It's scary for me to let go of the familiar...to walk in the unfamiliar. I don't know if this will be forever...or just for a time. I feel transition taking place....now to only walk in it."
Can you imagine when I look back now..I have to wonder if God was somehow preparing me for what was to come ? I wrote that blog partly based on "changing churches..and changing demonimations". That "transition" has now been made. (my heart will always love the A/G..it has nothing to do with the denomination..as much as going to a church I want to attend).
I wrote that blog thinking maybe I was feeling antsy knowing in a year I would be entering "empty nest syndrome". I had actually talked to a friend about wanting to maybe some day work for a Disaster Relief Organization. (I was thinking future,not now). Next thing you know, I'm being told I'm going to be laid off, when just in the fall they had told us their plan was to not lay anyone off..maybe just rearrange people a bit. I was not ready for this "transition".
And now we are getting ready to add another "transition" to the pot. My oldest, Jordan, is moving home for a bit after finishing a 9 month internship. Don't get me wrong..I'm ecstatic ! But we have not had 5 people living under this roof "permanently" in over 5 years. Basically, from the time Jordan left for college..he's never come back home for more than a few weeks. We will have 4 adults living under one roof...we will ALL have a little "transition". =)
So...you're asking...what have I learned from all of this ?? Transition happens to everybody. There's nothing you can do to stop it..you just have to buckle yourself in and try to survive the ride. But here are a few tips from someone walking through it:
1. Look Inside !! Sometimes it's only through hard times do we really find out what we're made of. You get reacquainted with yourself all over again. You find out if you're a scrapper or a sloucher. It's not always bad getting to know YOU once again.
2. Look Around !! Latch on to those that are around you..caring..supporting..
cheering you on. Some very important people in your life will rise to the top during this time. **Side note here: (I'm going to rant, so stop reading now if you don't want to hear it)! In ministry I was always amazed at people who seemed to disappear in a crisis. They wouldn't be there for their friends and their excuse was "I'm just not good with that kind of stuff" ! Well..newsflash people !! Very few individuals are born with sympathy, empathy, the right words to say, etc..! People become that way... BY DOING !! That's how I learned. I have a friend who was recently expressing their sadness over my job and he said, "I just don't know what to say!" My response, "you don't have to say anything....you can't fix it..but you CAN show up"! Alot of friendship is based on being willing to just show up!
3. LOOK UP ! I don't always understand God's ways. I get aggravated at Him, I let Him know that..haha....and believe it or not...I don't believe everything that happens in life is blamed on God. He didn't make the state or government get into debt...or spend uselessly..so that one day I would lose my job. We suffer consequences of the world....because we live in the world. It's called LIFE ! But after I get all my anger and frustration out...I know beyond a shadow of a doubt..there's nowhere I want to look except for UP... in order to gain peace that I can't receive anywhere else.
I hope that maybe..in some small way..if you are going through your own type of "transitions"..you will find a little comfort in knowing..you're not alone. We all make this journey at one time or another. And with God's help..we will all survive ! =)
This was an exact quote from that blog: "But I feel "transition" taking place in me. A time for change..a different step..a new direction. It's scary for me to let go of the familiar...to walk in the unfamiliar. I don't know if this will be forever...or just for a time. I feel transition taking place....now to only walk in it."
Can you imagine when I look back now..I have to wonder if God was somehow preparing me for what was to come ? I wrote that blog partly based on "changing churches..and changing demonimations". That "transition" has now been made. (my heart will always love the A/G..it has nothing to do with the denomination..as much as going to a church I want to attend).
I wrote that blog thinking maybe I was feeling antsy knowing in a year I would be entering "empty nest syndrome". I had actually talked to a friend about wanting to maybe some day work for a Disaster Relief Organization. (I was thinking future,not now). Next thing you know, I'm being told I'm going to be laid off, when just in the fall they had told us their plan was to not lay anyone off..maybe just rearrange people a bit. I was not ready for this "transition".
And now we are getting ready to add another "transition" to the pot. My oldest, Jordan, is moving home for a bit after finishing a 9 month internship. Don't get me wrong..I'm ecstatic ! But we have not had 5 people living under this roof "permanently" in over 5 years. Basically, from the time Jordan left for college..he's never come back home for more than a few weeks. We will have 4 adults living under one roof...we will ALL have a little "transition". =)
So...you're asking...what have I learned from all of this ?? Transition happens to everybody. There's nothing you can do to stop it..you just have to buckle yourself in and try to survive the ride. But here are a few tips from someone walking through it:
1. Look Inside !! Sometimes it's only through hard times do we really find out what we're made of. You get reacquainted with yourself all over again. You find out if you're a scrapper or a sloucher. It's not always bad getting to know YOU once again.
2. Look Around !! Latch on to those that are around you..caring..supporting..
cheering you on. Some very important people in your life will rise to the top during this time. **Side note here: (I'm going to rant, so stop reading now if you don't want to hear it)! In ministry I was always amazed at people who seemed to disappear in a crisis. They wouldn't be there for their friends and their excuse was "I'm just not good with that kind of stuff" ! Well..newsflash people !! Very few individuals are born with sympathy, empathy, the right words to say, etc..! People become that way... BY DOING !! That's how I learned. I have a friend who was recently expressing their sadness over my job and he said, "I just don't know what to say!" My response, "you don't have to say anything....you can't fix it..but you CAN show up"! Alot of friendship is based on being willing to just show up!
3. LOOK UP ! I don't always understand God's ways. I get aggravated at Him, I let Him know that..haha....and believe it or not...I don't believe everything that happens in life is blamed on God. He didn't make the state or government get into debt...or spend uselessly..so that one day I would lose my job. We suffer consequences of the world....because we live in the world. It's called LIFE ! But after I get all my anger and frustration out...I know beyond a shadow of a doubt..there's nowhere I want to look except for UP... in order to gain peace that I can't receive anywhere else.
I hope that maybe..in some small way..if you are going through your own type of "transitions"..you will find a little comfort in knowing..you're not alone. We all make this journey at one time or another. And with God's help..we will all survive ! =)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Moments......
...brief periods of time. If you blink..they are gone...just as quickly as they came. We all have them: some are "Awwwww..moments" some are "Ooohhhh..moments"..
some are "YAY..moments" some are "Ouch..moments" some are so hard to describe, words can't explain it.
This has been a week of "moments" for me. It started Monday when my boss came flittin' through the office, leaned over and said, "could I see you for just a minute?" I grabbed my pen & pad ready to write down whatever project she wanted me to do, only to discover "it wasn't one of those kind of moments". As she explained my situation to me, our eyes both filled with tears, and we had a "moment".
After work, I called Doug (who was out of town, of course) & my mom..to tell them the news and was finally able to let my guard down and cry. And cry I DID !! All the way home, at the pharmacy, into the house..so that by the time I got off the phone..I was crying so bad I couldn't speak. Tanner was sitting on the couch & asking, "what's wrong"...probably thinking someone had died. When I was finally able to "sob out words" I told him the news. I will never forget this as long as I live. He quietly closed his book, walked over to the couch, wrapped both arms around me and just held me while I cried. He didn't ask me any questions, he didn't say a word...and we had a "moment" I will never forget. (Side note here...I know some people would think it's horrible to let your kids see you so upset, or worried. In my opinion, the best thing we can teach our kids is "real life". Life is disappointment, failure, not fair...and showing our kids anything else is doing them a disservice. When they get older...and life hands them lemons..they'll know this is just a part of life, it's not personal. Now I have to show them how to dust myself off, pick myself up, and move on.)
My week has continued to have "moments" ! From everyone in the office helping me with my resume, to waking up each day to someone sending me a message, or posting on my wall... words of encouragement, "I'm thinking about you".."I'm praying for you"..Phone calls saying "do they know what they're losing" ? Each and every "moment" has reached me and touched me in a special way...and usually shows up at just the right time! =)
When tomorrow comes...today's worries will be a thing of the past..but these are the times I will always remember. The crisis will have passed, but the "moments" will always linger.........
some are "YAY..moments" some are "Ouch..moments" some are so hard to describe, words can't explain it.
This has been a week of "moments" for me. It started Monday when my boss came flittin' through the office, leaned over and said, "could I see you for just a minute?" I grabbed my pen & pad ready to write down whatever project she wanted me to do, only to discover "it wasn't one of those kind of moments". As she explained my situation to me, our eyes both filled with tears, and we had a "moment".
After work, I called Doug (who was out of town, of course) & my mom..to tell them the news and was finally able to let my guard down and cry. And cry I DID !! All the way home, at the pharmacy, into the house..so that by the time I got off the phone..I was crying so bad I couldn't speak. Tanner was sitting on the couch & asking, "what's wrong"...probably thinking someone had died. When I was finally able to "sob out words" I told him the news. I will never forget this as long as I live. He quietly closed his book, walked over to the couch, wrapped both arms around me and just held me while I cried. He didn't ask me any questions, he didn't say a word...and we had a "moment" I will never forget. (Side note here...I know some people would think it's horrible to let your kids see you so upset, or worried. In my opinion, the best thing we can teach our kids is "real life". Life is disappointment, failure, not fair...and showing our kids anything else is doing them a disservice. When they get older...and life hands them lemons..they'll know this is just a part of life, it's not personal. Now I have to show them how to dust myself off, pick myself up, and move on.)
My week has continued to have "moments" ! From everyone in the office helping me with my resume, to waking up each day to someone sending me a message, or posting on my wall... words of encouragement, "I'm thinking about you".."I'm praying for you"..Phone calls saying "do they know what they're losing" ? Each and every "moment" has reached me and touched me in a special way...and usually shows up at just the right time! =)
When tomorrow comes...today's worries will be a thing of the past..but these are the times I will always remember. The crisis will have passed, but the "moments" will always linger.........
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
What's Bugging Me ??
I’ve been churning that around in my head for quite a few months lately. I haven’t been able to pinpoint “one” specific thing that was putting me in a funk ! Mainly because…there are MANY !! haha But today….sitting on the floor at work…looking over some charts…I found myself subconsciously listening to the conversation that was going on all around me at my office. AND IT HIT ME !! THIS is “ONE” of the things that’s been bothering me…even without me realizing it.
I went to work for our school district, in the administration building, almost two years ago. From the time I’ve walked in..there has been talks about money..budget cuts, etc… Which of course seems pretty normal. Basic fact of life… things have to be trimmed, smarter decisions made, etc….. But starting about 7 months ago…this conversation took a different turn. Discussions started happening of people being laid off..moved around..you name it..it’s been talked about. At one point I wasn’t even sure if I was going to have a job….and still don’t know if that’s certain…or if I will stay at my current location. The district voted on providing a “buy out plan” to certain employees…if they wanted to retire early. People seem to be dropping like flies…and even more changes will be forthcoming. “Insecurity” would be considered the operative word of the day.
Then you go home to face your own giants of…lack of money…how are we going to do this…will this ever work out? I feel like I’m engulfed in a pool of “the unknown” and I can’t seem to swim out. You flip on the tv hoping to escape….and suddenly you’re encountered with the desperate needs of the world…lack of money…politics..tragedy, etc….. So much negativity ! It can be overwhelming !
It’s hard to be faced with this on a daily basis and still stay your positive, upbeat self. It’s hard not to feel weighted down, depressed, emotional….. On top of that….add a good dose of hormones, kids leaving home, changes in the family structure…and you have a MESS on your hands =( …OR what’s better known as “ME” !! =) I make no excuses……just trying to survive “the ride” !
One thing that I do know and holds steady for me is this….”Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7 ~One of my favorite verses !!
I went to work for our school district, in the administration building, almost two years ago. From the time I’ve walked in..there has been talks about money..budget cuts, etc… Which of course seems pretty normal. Basic fact of life… things have to be trimmed, smarter decisions made, etc….. But starting about 7 months ago…this conversation took a different turn. Discussions started happening of people being laid off..moved around..you name it..it’s been talked about. At one point I wasn’t even sure if I was going to have a job….and still don’t know if that’s certain…or if I will stay at my current location. The district voted on providing a “buy out plan” to certain employees…if they wanted to retire early. People seem to be dropping like flies…and even more changes will be forthcoming. “Insecurity” would be considered the operative word of the day.
Then you go home to face your own giants of…lack of money…how are we going to do this…will this ever work out? I feel like I’m engulfed in a pool of “the unknown” and I can’t seem to swim out. You flip on the tv hoping to escape….and suddenly you’re encountered with the desperate needs of the world…lack of money…politics..tragedy, etc….. So much negativity ! It can be overwhelming !
It’s hard to be faced with this on a daily basis and still stay your positive, upbeat self. It’s hard not to feel weighted down, depressed, emotional….. On top of that….add a good dose of hormones, kids leaving home, changes in the family structure…and you have a MESS on your hands =( …OR what’s better known as “ME” !! =) I make no excuses……just trying to survive “the ride” !
One thing that I do know and holds steady for me is this….”Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7 ~One of my favorite verses !!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Transitions.......
...movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change.
Am I never NOT doing this ?? We are born to "transition". From birth to toddler..toddler to school age..school age to Jr. High..Jr. High to High School...and so on! Yet..even after all of my life-long practice...I still find it difficult.
Several years back I was having a conversathion with my dad about "church". My dad is a retired minister (right at 50 yrs.) and then I married a minister. We were in ministry for 20 years. So....if you add that all together..I was in ministry for about 41 yrs...before Doug & I stepped out 6 years ago. A looonnnnggggg time to understand "church". I remember talking to my dad about a church I had visited (non A/G..which is our denomination). I was captured by the "simplicity" of the service. No bells and whistles. In fact...they went to GREAT extreme's to make it "simple". It impressed me. I had become tired of what I felt like was "entertaining" Christians. That's hard to explain if you've never been in full time ministry. But that's how I felt. Almost like..."man, what ministry..program..conference..event..
outreach..worship service..drama..etc., am I going to do now that will top what I just did and still make everybody happy". (yes..for you spiritual people..I know it's God who leads & gives ideas..but that doesn't mean there is any less pressure on you as the tool He is using). My dad looked at me and said, "there are plenty of things that if I had it to do over...I would do it differently". That's exactly how I felt.
Now skip ahead a few years. I still have this longing for "simplicity" in church. Not watered down preaching. Not watered down worship. Just "simplicity". I have always been a "program" kind of person. I like programs. I like things to be involved in...but I was feeling a "transition" happening in me that I couldn't explain.
My middle son, Tyler, has started attending a non-denominational church (Baptist based) and loves it. This just happened to be the church I visited several years back. There are 10,000 people (on three different campuses) and yet..it STILL has to be one of the most "simplistic" churches I have ever been to. I went with Tyler..and have been attending on Sat. nights for the past month. I love that the pastor says "hey..this church might not be for you..and that's okay." I love that he welcomes the atheists and agnostics every service and invites their questions. I love that on Saturday afternoon at 5:00..the place is flooded with people (probably 800)..coming in "just as they are"..shorts, pants, jeans, whatever..bible in hands.. to hear God's word. It's not "what they are wearing" that makes it cool .It's that it doesn't matter..because that's not what it's about. I was thinking...I never saw in scripture where Jesus walked up to call a crowd and someone said "wait a second..let me go put on my Sunday best." I am attracted to..inspired by..the "lack of hoop-la" that I see.
Now comes the "transition". The hard part. I've been A/G my whole life. My beliefs will always follow along those lines..because that's what I believe. But I feel "transition" taking place in me. A time for change..a different step..a new direction. It's scary for me to let go of the familiar...to walk in the unfamiliar. I don't know if this will be forever...or just for a time.
I feel transition taking place....now to only walk in it.
Am I never NOT doing this ?? We are born to "transition". From birth to toddler..toddler to school age..school age to Jr. High..Jr. High to High School...and so on! Yet..even after all of my life-long practice...I still find it difficult.
Several years back I was having a conversathion with my dad about "church". My dad is a retired minister (right at 50 yrs.) and then I married a minister. We were in ministry for 20 years. So....if you add that all together..I was in ministry for about 41 yrs...before Doug & I stepped out 6 years ago. A looonnnnggggg time to understand "church". I remember talking to my dad about a church I had visited (non A/G..which is our denomination). I was captured by the "simplicity" of the service. No bells and whistles. In fact...they went to GREAT extreme's to make it "simple". It impressed me. I had become tired of what I felt like was "entertaining" Christians. That's hard to explain if you've never been in full time ministry. But that's how I felt. Almost like..."man, what ministry..program..conference..event..
outreach..worship service..drama..etc., am I going to do now that will top what I just did and still make everybody happy". (yes..for you spiritual people..I know it's God who leads & gives ideas..but that doesn't mean there is any less pressure on you as the tool He is using). My dad looked at me and said, "there are plenty of things that if I had it to do over...I would do it differently". That's exactly how I felt.
Now skip ahead a few years. I still have this longing for "simplicity" in church. Not watered down preaching. Not watered down worship. Just "simplicity". I have always been a "program" kind of person. I like programs. I like things to be involved in...but I was feeling a "transition" happening in me that I couldn't explain.
My middle son, Tyler, has started attending a non-denominational church (Baptist based) and loves it. This just happened to be the church I visited several years back. There are 10,000 people (on three different campuses) and yet..it STILL has to be one of the most "simplistic" churches I have ever been to. I went with Tyler..and have been attending on Sat. nights for the past month. I love that the pastor says "hey..this church might not be for you..and that's okay." I love that he welcomes the atheists and agnostics every service and invites their questions. I love that on Saturday afternoon at 5:00..the place is flooded with people (probably 800)..coming in "just as they are"..shorts, pants, jeans, whatever..bible in hands.. to hear God's word. It's not "what they are wearing" that makes it cool .It's that it doesn't matter..because that's not what it's about. I was thinking...I never saw in scripture where Jesus walked up to call a crowd and someone said "wait a second..let me go put on my Sunday best." I am attracted to..inspired by..the "lack of hoop-la" that I see.
Now comes the "transition". The hard part. I've been A/G my whole life. My beliefs will always follow along those lines..because that's what I believe. But I feel "transition" taking place in me. A time for change..a different step..a new direction. It's scary for me to let go of the familiar...to walk in the unfamiliar. I don't know if this will be forever...or just for a time.
I feel transition taking place....now to only walk in it.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Me & ShaiAnne (horse) = two peas in a pod !!
Horseback riding...why not? It's fun ! I use to ride all the time when I was little. It would be good for me & Ty..a bonding mother/son experience. Of course...the only riding Ty had ever done was someone guiding a horse by the reigns and walking in a circle..or the kind you feed a quarter to at Walmart.
As we were sitting around..waiting on the wranglers..I spotted this pretty tan horse. I pointed her out to Ty..and decided to take a walk down to get a better look. I petted..she looked at me..we bonded. I don't know if it was fluke or fate..but who do you think the "wranglers" matched me up with to ride? (and they were no where around to have seen our earlier bonding) That's right..the pretty tan horse..ShaiAnne. They gave me simple instructions..but told me nothing about her temperament =) Even when we were suppose to just follow the other horses around the corral..she was raring to go. The wranglers kept telling me to "not let her get in the behind" of whatever horse was in front of me. I would later find out "why" !
We started on the trail..everything was fine..except she REALLY wanted to go. She had her own mind about the "pace" she wanted to walk..and it was as if she was getting VERY impatient that the horses in front of her were not noticing her agitation (at this point..I'm thinking "who does this sound like? It's like..if you're not going to go already..get out of MY way =)
I had to keep a tight reign on her just to keep her in her assigned spot !
Our first challenge was as Ty and his horse passed this branch that was sticking out..it got caught on his foot..and as he passed it left his foot just in time to slam into ShaiAnne's face. Do you know how skiddish a horse can be? She immediately starting backing up with me..which did I mention we were right along a ravine that if she stepped back too much..her & I were most likely going to tumble into the stream below. I didn't panic as she just kept backing up and rearing away..I held on..started talking to her..patting her...calming her down..until she realized it was safe to move forward. Whew...crisis mastered !
We walked..we trotted (fun by the way)..just going along..I was feeling pretty confident & relaxed..when all of a sudden, Tyler's horse Buckshot was NOT happy about ShaiAnne being "up in his business". He literally reared around and went after her.(I could see his teeth) No warning at all..I thought Ty was going to come off..our two horses were going at it..both of us trying to calm them down. Now..can I stop just a moment to say...NO OTHER HORSE..out of the 8..were seeming to have any problems. No personality squabbles..just doing their thing. This happened like 3 more times !! Buckshot would look out of the corner of his eye and before you know it..he was on us. Finally...Tyler caught on and as soon as he would turn his head..Ty would jerk him back around. It was like having a "family squabble" on horses....no lie ! hahaha All Ty kept saying was, "ShaiAnne started it...just like YOU do ! You push & push...til someone retaliates"...hahaha
Memories !! I will never forget =) When we got back to the stable..the girl asked me how ShaiAnne was? I said, "her and Buckshot DID NOT get along..I don't know WHAT the problem was." She just looked at me and said, "yeah...ShaiAnne's a bully..and they don't like it!" hahahaha
I had a horse friend who told me recently....we tend to bond with horses that have our SAME personality traits ! Hmmmm.....I'll leave you to figure that one out. =)
As we were sitting around..waiting on the wranglers..I spotted this pretty tan horse. I pointed her out to Ty..and decided to take a walk down to get a better look. I petted..she looked at me..we bonded. I don't know if it was fluke or fate..but who do you think the "wranglers" matched me up with to ride? (and they were no where around to have seen our earlier bonding) That's right..the pretty tan horse..ShaiAnne. They gave me simple instructions..but told me nothing about her temperament =) Even when we were suppose to just follow the other horses around the corral..she was raring to go. The wranglers kept telling me to "not let her get in the behind" of whatever horse was in front of me. I would later find out "why" !
We started on the trail..everything was fine..except she REALLY wanted to go. She had her own mind about the "pace" she wanted to walk..and it was as if she was getting VERY impatient that the horses in front of her were not noticing her agitation (at this point..I'm thinking "who does this sound like? It's like..if you're not going to go already..get out of MY way =)
I had to keep a tight reign on her just to keep her in her assigned spot !
Our first challenge was as Ty and his horse passed this branch that was sticking out..it got caught on his foot..and as he passed it left his foot just in time to slam into ShaiAnne's face. Do you know how skiddish a horse can be? She immediately starting backing up with me..which did I mention we were right along a ravine that if she stepped back too much..her & I were most likely going to tumble into the stream below. I didn't panic as she just kept backing up and rearing away..I held on..started talking to her..patting her...calming her down..until she realized it was safe to move forward. Whew...crisis mastered !
We walked..we trotted (fun by the way)..just going along..I was feeling pretty confident & relaxed..when all of a sudden, Tyler's horse Buckshot was NOT happy about ShaiAnne being "up in his business". He literally reared around and went after her.(I could see his teeth) No warning at all..I thought Ty was going to come off..our two horses were going at it..both of us trying to calm them down. Now..can I stop just a moment to say...NO OTHER HORSE..out of the 8..were seeming to have any problems. No personality squabbles..just doing their thing. This happened like 3 more times !! Buckshot would look out of the corner of his eye and before you know it..he was on us. Finally...Tyler caught on and as soon as he would turn his head..Ty would jerk him back around. It was like having a "family squabble" on horses....no lie ! hahaha All Ty kept saying was, "ShaiAnne started it...just like YOU do ! You push & push...til someone retaliates"...hahaha
Memories !! I will never forget =) When we got back to the stable..the girl asked me how ShaiAnne was? I said, "her and Buckshot DID NOT get along..I don't know WHAT the problem was." She just looked at me and said, "yeah...ShaiAnne's a bully..and they don't like it!" hahahaha
I had a horse friend who told me recently....we tend to bond with horses that have our SAME personality traits ! Hmmmm.....I'll leave you to figure that one out. =)
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