Flashback....

It was six months ago on a Thursday… just like today….on the 5th….just like today. I had just arrived at work, turned on my computer, looked at what was on my agenda for the day, when I received the call from my little sis’, “dad found mom unconscious and we are all on our way to the Emergency Room”. What unfolded over the next MANY hours still tends to be a blur.

Just seven days before we had all been one big happy family. Christmas is always a special time at mom and dads. Mom cooks for WEEKS (even though we have told her not to exhaust herself). All of her special china is pulled out to adorn the table. Games are thought about weeks in advance for the whole family to play. We laugh….it’s loud….the house is full….the love is evident.

I look back now at special moments during our last visit. Mom had been organizing things. She took me into dads office, showed me where she had set up a filing drawer. She explained this is where all the “important papers” were kept….just so we would know. She walked me into her pantry and showed me how she had organized all the canned goods onto lazy susans. It looked great and I took that idea home for some things in my house. I had to go to a walk in clinic while I was there visiting and when I got back, mom took me into her room, pulled out her prayer journal and In the very back was all her home remedies she had read about and collected the information. She sat and read them to me, one by one, explaining which ones she had tried and then directed me to the one I needed to try….haha

I remember walking into the kitchen Christmas day and she seemed frazzled. I knew that look of, “I’m overwhelmed, help me think”. We have been a pair for quite some time. I’m not sure “why” she had always depended on me, but for some reason me showing up to help cook always seemed to ease her mind.

Because of my new job, our trip wasn’t as long as it usually is (in hindsight this makes me very upset). Typically on the day we leave, we all meet at a restaurant for lunch and then get on the road. This trip was no different. We ate and then stepped outside to do our “hugging and goodbye’s”. I remember going over to mom to say “thanks” and she said, “I wished you guys didn’t have to go so soon. It was too short.” She seemed sad. My boys talked about this later on. It seemed "out of the ordinary" to them too. I reassured her, “mom…I’m going to see you in three weeks.” (Her & dad were coming to Texas for a few months). That’s the last time I talked to her.

Flashbacks…… Thoughts of “if I had only known”, “was I thankful for all she did?”, “did I express my gratitude and appreciation?” “Did I make her proud?” I refuse to be mad at God for taking her so soon. I am thankful that God allowed her to stay for 70 years. I know so many who have lost a parent much younger than me. If I have one thing I get very sad about it’s this…I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t know so I couldn’t ask her questions. I couldn’t express how much she meant to me. I didn’t get to tell her how much I respected her and was so proud to call her mom.

I guess there is a lesson there somewhere. Tell the people you love and care about….that you love and care about them...often. I have never pretended that I’m half the person she was, I only hope that some small part of her rubbed off on me and one day my boys will be able to feel and say the same things about me.

Six months. Some days it feels like a lifetime. Some days it seems like only yesterday. You have been missed every moment of every day mom. We feel so out of sorts without you. Until we meet again.......love you !