The Boycott

I live in a very suburban area. The houses are built close together with barely enough yard space between them to have grass to sink your toes into. In fact, I’m fairly certain if I opened my window, I could reach out and wash the windows of my neighbor, if I felt so inclined to do so. We aren’t talking “Little House On The Prairie” here…where animals would have miles of land to roam free. With that scenario, you would expect varmints.

So WHY, OH WHY am I living in Animal Kingdom ? I dealt with a rat in my attic for close to 6 months before anyone would believe me and do something about it. Over a week now I’ve been dodging HUMAN SIZED lizards who won’t leave my tiny suburban yard, camping out on my patio furniture (so I won’t go outside and read) and NOW, I was awakened at 4:00 this morning to some sort of plastic wrap chewing, hopping around, moving animal, either in my vent, under my bed or outside of my window. It started to sound like “surround sound” so it’s hard to tell.

Typical routine ensued…I listened…and listened some more (just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming or wasn’t crazy..lol) Then I punched Doug, said “ssshhhh”….then NOTHING. “Wait…wait………..THERE it is, did you hear ?” Doug “No”. We repeat this routine. Me…hearing it VERY loudly. Deaf man…hearing nothing. (you would think after our last rat adventure he would just accept “I’m right”…there’s something there and at this point even pretend to hear it….cause LORD KNOWS we aren’t going back to sleep until HE HEARS IT !!!!) He storms off to the bathroom (because I woke him up for nothing) and I’m left alone in the room, glued to my bed, being tormented by this animal that is hopping, dragging plastic, chewing….to the point I’m literally breaking out in a sweat.

Let’s stop for a second here and discuss, “why do some animals only come out at night”. BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY AREN’T INVITED AND SHOULD NOT BE HERE ! When we lived in Arizona…animals just owned the place. I arrived home one day to wild hogs crossing the street, came around and they were hanging out at the fence in my back yard (these were big enough to ride). Coyotes often frequented the flower beds and they weren’t intimidated by you. Tarantula’s glued themselves to the walls outside..no inhibition…no hiding. Jack Rabbits….not cute little bunnies…invading your flowers…they didn’t care if you saw them. Oh well. Javelina’s out and about. You expected that these kids owned the place and were just allowing you to live there. Don’t bother them and they will not torment you and let you live.

HERE…things are creeeeepy ! Always in the dark, or lurking around. Hiding in your ceiling, or walls. Waking up innocent women who just want to sleep in peace.

After an “animated exchange of words” I grabbed my pillow and left to sleep in the den. The boycott has begun. Envision picket signs being made, “heck no, I won’t stay, make the animals go away” ! Negotiations will be on the table….some haggling will take place….but I will not sleep in that bedroom another day until we’ve reached a “peace treaty” (meaning….FIND THE VARMINTS AND GET RID OF THEM) !!

If I wanted to live at a zoo, I would. End of story! =)